The Heartbreak of Getting Laid

By
SwitchBlade
– 2010/07/13Posted in: cinema
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Film: The Last American Virgin

Actor(s): Lawrence Monoson, Joe Rubbo, Diane Franklin, Louisa Moritz, Steve Antin, Joe Rubbo, Brian Peack, Kimmy Robertson, Tessa Richarde

Official Drop Date: July 30, 1982

Grade: A

Blade(s): 9.5

Bottom-line: Great flashback

Review: This film was the first film that never promised a happy ending – the way real life is. The fellas were doing everything in their powers to get laid. This movie had poor sucker/bad boy Gary who never seem to get the draws, and when opportunity knocked he punked out. A funny scene was when three girls sniffed Sweet ‘N Low thinking it was cocaine. A damn mess. Poor Gary was holding snacks on the couch while his boy Rick was getting busy – next to him. Gary’s girl decided to eat the chips rather than make out. David was trying hard to get laid but failed and Rick had no problems. Another adventure was while the three friends were in the mist of getting laid, the sailor, boyfriend of Carmela came home.

Gary was so heartbroken watching his boy Rick make out with Karen, the woman he wanted. Even Rose, Karen’s best friend, could not take his mind off the main prize. Gary never told Rick how he felt and Karen was a bitch after what Gary did for her when Rick threw her aside – knocked up and heartbroken. The attraction in this movie was low to none. Ruby the prostitute was disgusting and Karen was no prize. Gary finally got laid by Ruby and that was just a sad moment. I wanted to cry for him when he threw up afterward. The prostitute told David: “Are you here to interview me or to f*ck me.” Needless to say the fellas all got crabs from that trick.

When Gary found out that Rick was going to pop Karen’s cherry he went to stop them but he couldn’t find them. When Gary confronted Rick and Karen he was crushed. I wanted to beat Karen’s ass. Whenever the cameras showed us Gary all emotionally jacked up, the Commodores and Quincy Jones were playing. Rick crapped on Karen when she told him about her pregnancy and Gary was there to pick up the pieces (and so was Journey with “Open Arms”). This movie had one of the best soundtracks a teen movie from the 80s ever had. The Commodores’s “Oh No” seemed to have been the theme song for the film.

Even after Gary tells Karen that he loves her and has ever since the first moment he saw her she screws him for Rick. Poor sap Gary called Karen his girlfriend at the jewelers while getting his gift for her birthday (a gold locket) ready and inscribed. When he showed up at her birthday party he found Karen in the kitchen making up and making out with Rick. “Just Once” by Quincy Jones played as the credits rolled and Gary cried on his drive home without Karen but hopefully with her gift. This was one of the best coming-of-age films and gets 9.5 blades and an A for laughs and memories. I still can’t believe what some dudes do for sex.

P.S. Karen’s eyebrows bothered the hell out of me.

blades: ★★★★★★★★★½

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