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Sloppiest of the Year Award Winner Named

published by bootlegger at 12:50 pm on the move add responses

Dec 172009

Sloppiest of the Year Award Winner Named

Wow. Another award created by a person who committed such a ridiculous move that BB could not resist but to create and reward this mess. Sloppiness is nothing new to anyone but when shit hits the fan the way it has for this particular Ciderfella, one cannot help to acknowledge the sloppy mess.

Now we’ve seen Britney Spears go threw her hot mess moments and Omarosa and the Sloppy Vixen tie for Sloppy Negros, but still even they fail to encourage an award. Thanks to Tiger “Blacanese” Woods we have finally been motivated to create and hand out the first Sloppiness of the Year Award.

When he first came on the scene, Negros were proud to claim this “clean-cut Negro” as one of their own. When he broke golf (of all sports) records back-to-back, folks just could not get enough of him. No nightclub dramas, baby mamas running around, drug charges pending, or criminal rap sheet to brag about. He seemed pure as Snow White’s alleged virginity. Even after he requested that folks stop calling him a Negro and refer to him as Blacanese or Caublasian or anything but plain Negro, Negros embraced him anyway.

Soon he was dating one chick from Sweden and even married her. No one was shocked about it but actually let him do him and live his life. After two children and what seemed to be a happy life, tragedy struck. When news broke regarding Woods’ car accident well wishes flooded the universe in hopes the he was alright. Then rumors began to float about the reason why he was in the accident and drunk driving. Next the possibility of him losing his endorsements ran rampant. BB was alarmed that folks wanted this man to lose his career over a car accident with a tree. Alas, the truth was still being unearthed.

Apparently Cinderfella was a wolf in sheep’s clothing as not one, not three, not even five mistresses crawled from behind the wall of sleaze, but 10 women rolled up claiming to have slept with Woods. As if that shit was not bad enough, he was rocking them raw dawg, leaving voicemail begging them to change their out going messages, texting them for sex photos, and had camp Woods pay off those that were selling their stories of musical skin flute symphonies and finger hustles to the highest bidder.

Sloppiness never looked so unkempt in a long time and leave it to Tiger to bring shit to a new level. Some folks are telling his wife to “get the money” and make Woods suffer but Mrs. Woods is no fucking victim here as she was the first piece of steady ass purchased for Woods. Her prenup gave her $20 mill if she stuck around for ten years. If the marriage was for love then why put that, of all things, in the agreement?

Most prenups say what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is yours. While being married if we split then u get some of what I made while married to you if I fuck up you get a bonus. This chick is now negotiating the if she sticks around she gets $80 mill. I say get the fuck on. When you made the hooker deal you got played out as such. Since when does trading sex for money become a legal bargaining chip? When it’s between husband and wife? Then play on Tiger, play on.

So for our first Sloppiest of the Year winner we send out a pack of condoms with instructions on how to use then, a box of handi-wipes, and a picture of what common sense used to look like.

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