Hott Mess - Flava Flav Style
It’s official, Flav has returned and he’s hungry to ensure that he finds a woman this time around; or so he’d like us to believe. Thanks to New York (the Muppet look-a-like, not the state) finding her White knight, Flav has been encouraged to return to VH1.
New tricks and hoes to wiggle for the attention of Flava Flav!! Oh joy. Not only did he get dumped three times but the third chick left him to sell blue jeans. Shut the hell up!!! So from calling out that Spanish chick for "not being there for Flav" this chick went to sell blue jeans and wiggle in a music video.
LOL. The madness is too great.
So more dumb broads are on television and Flav has some BUSTED chicks this round - more than usual. There is even one soooooo ghetto that she cannot build a sentence. Sweet Lord!!! Here we go.
Flav asked for classier chicks but alas has ended up with trashier broads. ONE chick was riding a fake elephant and folks were breaking stuff on day one. Massive baby mammas looking for gold with a diaper in one hand and a shovel in the other. Fighting already about who’s here for Flav and who’s not. Here we go again in deed. There are even twins!! DOUBLE THE MESS.
Too much trash to digest in on one night. Flav said that he was going to allow the girls to give themselves their own names - but some were so whack he renamed them. So much for empowerment. One weirdo came with watches all up and down her arms… TIK!!! LOL Another di-di-di, Shy, wanted to take the other girls on a ride of strangeness and battle.
The ugly twins were appropriately named Thing 1 & 2. (Flav said it was because he liked them from the story Cat in the Hat, but we’ll say it’s because they reflected Thing from The Addams Family). Let’s just say that Shore-Tee - is simply dumber than a brick wall. Enough said. Then there’s Peachee - another Internet winner (LOSER). Then Savanna - NEXT!!! The last chick, Mayammee, came off as a straight jump-off.
I must agree with Flav because his Internet fans were simply sending comedy to the house. These girls would not be Flav’s choice. Yeah, yeah beauty is skin deep and all but Flav wants to bus’ a nut sometime this season.
Can we be honest? Let’s be honest. Let’s be friends for two seconds so that we can clear the air. This show is strictly a way to get Flav more ass than usual. A reason to bang out a group of chicks and call it a search for love. We have bonded with this feeling since the last season of Flava Flav and we can accept this. We have accepted this. So let’s not be shocked that Flav kisses and bends over more than half these chicks - it’s expected. Simply enjoy the ride.
Back to the show.
Shy - teeth reminded me that I wanted to see Jaws again in memory of the star who passed away this month. She might bite off Flav’s face. Then we have Ice, a self-proclaimed radio personality who says she doesn’t know why she’s there - to Flav…. Dumb, dumb, dumb! Why are you here????????
Dymes, she had her one-on-one moment with Flav. One of the few cute ones. A criminal justice student - is she here for research???? We all know he’s been in jail. Just might NOT work. Next up, the Things. They are willing to share Flav. Are they willing to share baby duty as well? El, cannot speak!!!!!!!!!! Damn, why is she so hungry to speak?? She makes no sense. Just bend over and enjoy Flav. No empty poles available for El?? She’s missing the comfort of cold steel right about now. Bunz is an open freak. She is already speaking about how she’s into women, men, will try anything at least once. Damn, can Flav offer you a date first? She might settle for one of the other girls as runner-up ass.
Oh, Tik-Tok. You make Flav’s heart rock…. out of sheer fear mamma. You are an obsessed fan given the opportunity to meet your idol up close. Run Flav, run!!! She’s waiting for you with a baseball bat to break both of your ankles like ‘ol girl from Misery!!!!
Of course Shy is rolling up to be the next Ms. New York. Asking girls if they are ready to raise 10 kids?!! Aren’t most of Flav’s children grown???? Why, Lord Why!??!!!! Shouldn’t we look for inspiration during Black History Month???? LOL
Another moment where women are getting carried away and touching his face. HE DOESN’T LIKE THAT!!!!!! Strike 1 Rayna!
So now, Flav’s #10 fan, Rayna, (posing as his #1) begins to grill another girl in front of Flav asking "What you know about Flava’s clock? I’ve been following Public Enemy since I was yea’ high… I know what the movement was about I know why he has the clock on the 12 and the 6 - tick tock." Well Flav asked Rayna, "What’s the deal with my clock?"…. SILENCE! *cue crickets* She started yapping a load of crap - turned out WRONG. Talking about how we as Black people needed to look at ourselves - *BEEEEP* Flav’s answer: "Time is the most important element of our lives and we can’t afford to miss it." I hope the heffa took notes. Well, she can always refer to our site for the answer.
In steps the Internet Winners. They are rolling up trying to spend time with Flav. They both took him off and just stared at him. Peachee and Savanna had nothing to say. Are they serious???!!!!!! Prancer was up next - she really did look like a Reindeer. She quickly lost Flav to Ms. Underbite and Gold Toofus. Next up to bat was Seezinz. A sob story and a picture of her brother. Thanks - we needed that moment to calm things down. More than half these chicks did not understand the phrase - "Don’t Touch My Face."
Shy proved to be a tattle-tale. She had no game and was rapping to the camera. Shy was trying to get rid of Bx but is quickly reflecting the times of New York - we can’t have that again. We might get stuck with another show with a drama queen and her bible thumping, young boy humpin’ mamma. No thanks!
Flav begins to hand out the clocks…. The first one showing nerves: Ice. Boy did she have reason to. One dumb response had that chick on the Maybe List. Ice and Tik both received clocks. Guess Flav is allowed to have pets in the house this year - he kept Prancer. Senseer & her forehead got a clock. The Things not only share a brain but they now share a clock as well. The Internet chicks were dismissed, as well as the criminal justice student.
The preview of the season looked pretty good. Mess is mess but they are hysterical. The dates and trips look great but too bad the chicks are there. More fights and more drama, just what the world needed.
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