Tonight was the night that the industry wanted the public to believe that their votes and opinions really mattered. The “votes” were tallied and emotions were high as feelings were broken. Taylor Swift was set to be there so most likely all eyes were on the hunt for Kanye West & Hennesy sightings to see if he would interrupt her on stage again.
I performed one more award show checklist rundown:
- Liquor to sooth the pain of watching an awards show – check
- Shot glasses to take quick fixes as I attempt to make it through the “thank you” speeches – check
- My Lady Gaga Interpreter by my side – check
Once that was completed, I was ready.
The show kicked off with the very sexy Janet Jackson who did a rendition of a few of her best dance hits and threw in her her new single “Make Me” into the mix. I enjoyed the choreographed set from Jackson as always and to see the audience up on their feet and cheering her on was the cherry on top. Seeing Jermaine rooting for his baby sister as she performed “If” was a thumbs up in my book. From clapping to the music to jumping along with the artist as she sang “Together Again,” the audience was with her and on their feet the full eight minutes of her performance. Few artists could rival the group dances of Jackson as she puts her all into what she gives her fans. Not many take that type of pride. A standing O greeting Ms. Jackson as she closed out her set. Long live The Whisperer!!
Next up was Paula Abdul to introduce the best pop/rock group. First let’s address all the material in her outfit. If the ground was not clean it must have been once she walked through. She had enough material left for a whole outfit for Mariah Carey. The Black Eye Peas (BEPs) were tossed into the pop/rock category and I was unsure how that happened. They won the award for that. Their “thank you speech” started off the night of drinking. Next up was Kristen Bell and a country singer named Jason Al-something to present favorite country band/duo/group. Rascal Flatts won that one. They were short and sweet (brief is always sexy). Pete from The Fall Out Boys introduced the band Daughtry, whose lead singer was on American Idol a few years back (Chris Daughtry). Their performance was on point and left little to be upset about.
After Daughtry we had Shakira and her step troop perform on stage. She turned from the “dirty” looking Spanish chick with brown hair to the “clean” looking Spanish girl with Blonde hair. She had folks coming down the isles like the Broadway cast of the Lion King and girls lowered down on the stage by wire. So ladies were in the audience dancing and on stage doing Egyptian type moves. I have never seen so many Black dancers working in a long time. There was a lot of hip thrusting for all but then again that’s Shakira’s shtick.
After bathroom/commercial break two actors from Modern Family (Julie Bowen & Sofia Vergara) came on to introduce Keith Urban with some cheesy skit about how he was a hunk and a half. Hey, whatever floats your boat. After his country performance of Kiss A Girl (not to be confused with a rendition of The Little Mermaid’s Sebastian singing “You Wanna Kiss The Girl”), we had Reba McIntyre introduce Kelly Clarkson singing “Already Gone.” Clarkson rarely disappoints me and did a fine job with an orchestra behind her. Being that wearing shades indoors was the in thing, up next was Snoop Dogg and Joe Perry of Areosmith to present the favorite pop/rock female award (why is Beyonce in this??) Either way Taylor Swift won and she was able to accept her award with NO INTERRUPTIONS.
Alex Rodriguez proved that folks with no reason to be on the stage can further embarrass themselves as he stood on the L.A. stage and got booed for mentioning the “great year” New York has had. So numb nuts introduced Alicia Keyes and Jay-Z to sing their collabo tribute to New York. Christian Slater presented the favorite Alternative Rock to Green Day.
Nichole Kidman and Kate Hudson (both in the next film NINE) introduced BEPs. I couldn’t take the singing of Fergie but then again I have been assaulted with a few folks as it is this year with their vocals. The group did a melody of their hits according to the industry but I was not moved. So on to the next performance. Selena Gomez and Orianthi (the amazing guitarist in This Is It) presented the next award for the favorite male soul/r&b artist. This award went to Michael Jackson (who creates these categories and the artists that belongs in them?) Jermaine came up and brought three of his sons on stage to assist with the acceptance.
The favorite country male artist was presented by The Zack Brown Band (a bit annoying but hey, it’s Country). Keith Urban won this award and dedicated it to his wife, Nichole Kidman Urban, and their kid, Sundae/Sunday. We won’t discuss the name. Next were two presenters, Kris Allen and Debbie somebody, I was not too concerned with them. They presented best soul/r&b nominee. How is Beyonce in this category as well 
but either way she won. Apparently Neyo is on the new Disney soundtrack for the Princess & the Frog and he introduced Rihanna and ran out of “R-words” to describe Rihanna. Her performance started with a video or her strapped to a medical chair then we find her on stage being spinned by God-knows-what.The contraption had her hemmed up a bit above the stage and she was released soon by dancers. She began with her Patois and sang “The Wait is Over.” I just wanted a bit more action from her performance. She can be a hit or miss performer at times and I’ll still root for her to bounce back strong on stage. The music continues to drown out the singer throughout the song but then again, perhaps the message needs to be drowned out. The outfit was strappy but looked like a Mummy preparing for the Thunderdome. The spikes on her shoulder light up and things turned into a light show.
Next Rascal Flatts came on to introduce Carrie Underwood and had a slight echo problem with the mic. They played it off well and Underwood took the stage performing “Cowboy Casanova.” Her outfit puzzled me but it appears many of the women set out to confuse the viewers this evening. 
Soon was Lady Gaga and my interpreter was in for some work. They worked for their liquor tonight. She performed “Bad Romance” and chanted her way along the stage on her way into her second song, “Speechless”. Gaga smashed out the fake glass in a box where a piano awaited her with some liquor bottles and the top of the piano light a blaze as she played it and sang her song. There were violinists playing in two other glass boxes floating above the stage with smoke in them and in the end the piano coughed flames. Wild. Always interesting. I could have done without Perez Hilton (seriously).
Next Drake, Kid Kudi and some other dude came on to introduce Mary J. Blige singing “I Am” from her upcoming album Stronger. (Not to be mistaken with Danny Wood’s current album STRONGER: Remember Betty. MJB sang about no one treating the man who’s not acting correct in his current relationship better than she can. Ghetto Chic has returned to the AMA stage and MJB was not holding back. Yelling into the microphone with all her might she reminded folks why she’s the only woman to truly get away with that. Despite the yelling, she she has come a long way from “What’s the 411?” in which I could not believe people were purchasing the album.
Colby Caillat came on next and presented the T-Mobile breakthrough artist award to Gloriana. All night I have been trying to find out who these folks were and they asked if anyone in the audience asked “Who the hell are they?” to raise their hands – both of mine were as I also raised a leg. Seriously, who the hell is Gloriana? Guess we can thank Taylor Swift for putting them on her tour and in the limelight. Also, why did the Blonde yell into the mic? Was it not working for everyone else without the yelling?
Soon, the main event of the evening occurred. That’s right, the squeaker returned to the stage – Jennifer Lopez. Rather than sing from her diaphragm, she prefers to sing from the back of her neck. The hoopla on the stage was crazy. A faux boxing ring and the dude boxing announcer that everyone knows. 
She confirmed that a new album will indeed be dropped and it is called Love? From this album the song Louboutins was performed and the camera was consistent with filming her shoes – Louboutins. Seriously???!!??!??!? The recording kept saying “The Champ is here.” My question is champ of what?? Someone? Anyone? Help me out. The male dancers were dressed as boxers (so not believable) and the she strutted from the back of the theatre like a boxer entering the ring. Then a stunt went wrong – she climbed up the dancers’ backs and jumped off only to land on her butt.
She popped up quick and danced onto a stool to change from her boxing shoes to Louboutins
Even her outfit was changed into another gaudy getup. Then two female dancers/assistants come from nowhere carrying something that resembles a bustier/boxing belt over Lopez’s head and they jig with her down the stairs as she “walks it out” off the stage and to the back of the theatre. Hubby Marc Anthony was proud and cheered her on (good for him) This pretty much brought me to 8 shots as I needed the liquid courage to watch the entire performance without running for a snack.
We’re not to the second moment I wanted to see and that would be Whitney Houston receiving the International Award from AMAs (the sixth artist to do so). 170 million records sold worldwide; most awarded female artist of all time, 21 AMAs; 7 #1 Billboard Top 100 hits; 7 consecutive platinum albums; best selling soundtrack of all time ; first female artist to enter Billboard 200 albums @ #1; “I Look to You” debuted @ #1; “I Look to You” had best selling first week by a female artist for 2009; and she’s been #1 in the U.S., Canada, Germany, Italy, Holland and Switzerland. Whitney performed after the Introduction by Samuel L. Jackson and she sang “Didn’t Know My Own Strength.” Her new thing is to rush talk through her songs – that she used that as best as Whitney could. Another use of an orchestra for this performance and her backup singers. She repeated some of the words and then a choir joined her – the fallen love the choir touch when they are 
back on the rise. The audience ate it all up. Jermaine was proud to see her perform as Whitney sang how she got to know her own strength. A bow and a few kisses later, Mr. Jackson returned and presented the International Award of Excellence to Whitney for her air play, popularity and record sales worldwide. Whitney thanked God , Dick Clarke, Clive Davis, her daughter , and her family and fans for the award.
Leona Lewis and Carrie Ann Inoba came on to present best country female artist in which Taylor Swift won and beat out Reba McIntyre. Again, Swift did her thank yous via satellite because she was preparing for a show elsewhere. Melissa Etheridge presented favorite pop/rock artist. Now Micheal Jackson got this but once again I ask, who the hell set up the categories? Why are T.I. and Eminem being listed under pop/rock??!! Jermaine made another appearance to get his brother’s award and the announcer made the announcement that Michael Jackson now held the record for most AMAs for any one artist (being 23).
After Jermaine’s speech Keyes returned to the stage to do a solo performance. Jonathan Knight pointed out on Twitter that the dancer/choreographer that was on the NKOTB tour was dancing with Keyes during this performance (Go Sunny!) Then a crumper dude showed up on stage. I was seriously trying to understand this entire performance as I was lost. I understood the song, just not the performance; especially the crumping in a circle around Keyes.
Old Dogs star, Seth Green, introduced Eminem & 50 Cent as they performed together on “Crack a Bottle” and “Forever” minus Drake (thank goodness). No big excitement but disappoint was far from the stage. Timberland followed with help from Soshy and Nelly Furtado performing “Morning After”. Soshy is another artist that I don’t know but will check out. Soon we were promised that Green Day and the mess of Adam Lambert were be up next.
Morena Baccarin (from V) and Dominic Monaghan (from Flash Forward) introduced Green Day as they performed “21 Guns.” I actually like this song and the video. Not the best from them but a good runner up. The lead singer was going through something vocally, but I’m hoping that it won’t happen again. Soon Keri Hilson and Toni Braxtron grace the stage to present the best rap/hip hop male artist. This goes to Jay-Z and it strikes me odd that they would have Braxton present an award to a dude that stole her song moments before she released it. WOW! Jay-Z rambled and talked shit and made the shots count rise quickly to 13.
Finally, Ryan Seacrust climbed on stage and in his highchair to present the artist of the year award. All lost out to Taylor Swift who gave her love to the Jackson clan. Then the announcer introduced Adam Lambert who was 
a hot mess. He was off key and decided to become the male screecher with his tongue hanging out. I thought J Lo would have been bad but she was an A+ performer compared to this train wreck. It was Liberace on crack yelling his way through a drug induced nightmare. He did some strange tuck and roll across the stage, I had to rewind that mess just to make sure I saw things correctly. When the announcer kept saying that Lambert’s performance would be talked about in the morning I thought he was exaggerating. However, one would seriously have to see the hot mess in action as to get the full effect of hot garbage on stage. When folks tell you that you have to see Adam Lambert perform to believe it, they really mean it. Because when folks tell you how shitty his performance was, you will not believe it. You truly have to eyeball that mess to truly understand.
Title of Video: Hot Crap on Stage
At the end of the night I think Michael Jackson won about five awards total but I could be wrong. I was blindsided by how awful Lambert was. Folks, this trash brings me to the end of my rundown and I’m off to bed.
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